I had a great conversation with my best friend last night about the whole surreal experience of losing weight and how we see ourselves...wasn't the first and probably won't be the last. Michelle has lost a lot of weight over the last year or so and it's very beneficial to have somebody to talk this whole mind-body connection weirdness with, because losing weight, and sizes and all, don't get me wrong, is very cool, but very weird. Surreal.
A lot of people say I personally don't 'see' it (the changes) because I look at my self in the mirror everyday but as M and I were talking (and agreeing) it's more than just seeing your self, and the reflection, it's more about How you see yourself!
Firstly, sizes are all messed up, they are changed over the years so what was a size 6 in the 60's and a size 4 in the 80's is now a size 0...(and just an aside, Who wants to be a fricking size 0??) Clothes I wore last time I was on this ride when I know I weighed more (or less) fit me completely different now, I attribute that to getting a little older, losing some muscle mass and just general body composition. But M and I were talking about how we can put a size _ on and it fits, or it may even be too big and we just are in shock and awe because "Really? how is that possible? I look in the mirror and I still see the same body I saw 60lbs ago!!!" We were sharing how it must have been some manufacturing flaw where the wrong size got into my pants...or they have stretched out...something, anything to make sense of it!
Same thing for me and the scale...I get on, I feel I must've gained all my weight back overnight and yet the number on the scale reads the same or remarkably less? After reading the number some mornings, jumping off and then while brushing my teeth I have just stared at the scale in amazement...it must not be calibrated right or something (it's a doctor type home scale with a sliding bar) the best word to describe the experience is Surreal!
Photos can be deceptive I know...Some pics I look at and I can really see a difference and then others I see no change and I have been trying to photo journal my progress because eventually I may be able to see where I've come from in a picture...but again I think that the real issue isn't what I see, it's How I see. And that is the mystery that I am working on...My question for myself and anybody who happens to stumble upon this blog is this...How much of what is projected (and what others see) is dependent on how we put ourselves out there [on any given day] so, if for instance 20+ pounds ago, I was having a good positive day, feeling pretty, maybe even sexy...do I look good, better or worse (to others) than on a day now (minus that 20) if I'm having a not so pretty sexy day? Is it mostly in perception, both my own and others? How I carry myself and put me out there? I may not be making much sense in the written word, but I really think that How one sees themselves and consequently projects themself is pretty potent...it's the same idea I wrote about a few blog posts ago only in reverse...If I feel that I look good do I look good? and if I feel that I look bad do I look bad?
Just some random ponderings for a Friday!
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